I, like many, did not know I was bipolar for quite some time. however, being in my mid-20s, and reading others’ posts, I feel rather fortunate that I found out at such a young age. I felt that I struggled with depression for some amount of time before ever taking medication for it. I thought I could “beat it” on my own, just “suck it up” and go on, but as many of you know, I hit a point where that literally was not possible. I withdrew from college for a semester and finally conceded to taking medication. well, over the course of the next 18 months or so I was on 2 or 3 different anti-depressants and they always seemed to stop working or I would feel “really good” and felt like I didn’t need them anymore. I also partied a lot and would decide it was better not to take the meds than to drink and take them. it wasn’t. in college I was also diagnosed with ADD which helped explain the low self-esteem and perfectionism that I had been tortured with my whole life regardless of my successes academically, athletically and socially. I was finally diagnosed as bi-polar “lite” my doctor called it after a pretty scary hypomanic stage, which at this point I think may have been full blown manic, but I was able to convince people, or rather force them, not to take me to the hospital. after my doctor diagnosed me, I was a bit lost, somehow I was ok with being depressed and flip-flopping all over the place with meds, but I couldn’t handle the proper diagnosis. that was until I was sitting at home writing an e-mail and all of a sudden I realized that I felt like “me.” it was a bit surreal. for the first time in a long time, probably since I was 15 or 16, I felt like myself. this was after I had been taking a new medication for about 2 weeks. at that point in time, I started being ok with being bipolar. and I started telling people too. I figured if I could accept it and people I love and care about could accept it, then all the world could think being bipolar means you are totally insane and it wouldn’t matter. thus far, no one that I am close too has gone running when I tell them about me. what convinced me to take meds for my depression was when a doctor explained to me- well, if you couldn’t see, you would wear glasses or contacts- using this as a parallel for my depressed state, and that’s all it took. well, I see it the same way now as far as being bipolar goes. I don’t think anyone is jumping up and down when they find out, but I can say without a doubt that my life since I have been diagnosed as bipolar, though not perfect or episode free, is much more normal and in control than it was when I was just all over the place and freaking more people out than I ever realized. I don’t know what people are looking for when they read these stories, but I was searching all over the internet for something that had a realistic and personal feel to it, and I don’t know if I found it or not, but hopefully, this will be a help or comfort to someone. just don’t give up hope. which is very hard for me to say knowing how hopeless I have been at times. I will say that having a relationship with God and reading the Bible are a real salvation for me and give me a glimmer when I am feeling lost and hopeless. trusting in the Lord and saying Amen that this is His will for my life have helped me accept and even embrace the fact that I am bipolar. it’s just another part of me that makes me ME.