I am 29 years old. I am a mother and a fiancee’. My child just started Kindergarten. My mom passed away in May 2005, and my family completely split apart. I BTW have 4 other siblings. I have seen countless Pyschiatrists whom I decieved and was prescribed exactly what I wanted at the time. One of whom was the head of psychiatry at the med school in town. Since I was about 12 I have taken narcotic pain killers. It started off with breaking my ankle in Ballet. My mom was sick with cancer since 1986. She was a walking pharmacy with her drugs in a fire-proof case with one key. I was always against even smoking stogies(ciggerettes), at that age. One Fri. night at rehearsal for my first real performance I completed my first triple pirouhette, and with a smile on my face and a beautiful finish, I twisted my left ankle and broke it.

I was devastated. I tried to get up again and felt the crunch ( not including the severe pain involved)! My mother decided on not taking me to the Emergency Room that whole weekend. I helped make that decision because I did not want some resident to screw it up more than I already had. The plan was to see a very talented sports MD the following Monday. I did. I decided on Motrin 800 mg tablets at that point, because I was too strong to take any synthetic drug. Well, the pain got even worse and without my own RX, my mother gave me a 10 mg oxycodone to take with my Motrin. From then on, my addiction grew worse, and so did my mom’s deteriorating health. Her insurance dropped her like a “Hot Potato”! As I got older and recovered from my break, whenever I had even a headache I took a narcotic,and she didn’t mind. I blame her until I was old enough to know better. That date was somewhere in 1997.

I started to take a few of her pills at the beginning of each month. Her RX’s were so big that she never knew, and she even still handed them out if I was having a hard day, or to make life easier for herself(not having to listen to a complaining teen). After a few years, my dad had to stop working in order to help me take care of mom. At that point she made the decision to start selling narcotics through my brother and younger sister. As we all know, they are quite the commodity black market. She could get quite a bit of money for the oxycodones, and even more for her methadone. I never really sold them for her.. I didn’t agree with it. My sis payed for that mistake through jail, as did my brother who now has moved on to Heroin. Did I mention mom died while my sister at 18 yrs old, was imprisoned? The night she died my father and I stole a bottle of liquid morphine and finished it off in a few days tops. We did drop all the other meds(as far as I know) down the toilet.

Years have passed by now. While pregnant I did not take any meds. No lie, I wanted my baby to be healthy and my body knew better. So I quit. It wasn’t until about 3 yrs. ago that I started feeling moderate to severe pain in my back and legs. I went to a doctor, and was honest. The MD, believed me and monitored me, then I became”DEPENDANT” on the RX’s and since my mother had taught me how to lie, I did(very well as a matter of fact). I am not proud, I am ashamed of myself. These problems of mine started a pre-existing alcoholism within my fiancee. He began to cheat on me with people I actually took in to help. I left him for 6 months. When I was gone I found strentgh in my best friend(who wouldn’t take pills at all). I REMOVED myself from everyone and everything that had to do with illegal BLACK MARKET NARCOTICS. After at least 6 months and being clean for about a year now, my family is together,and my life is finally straight.

PS- The only problem I have is that I had a root-canal done about 2 months ago, and I had to take a narcotic pain reliever. The DDS I didn’t tell my history, and I was able to handle not getting in trouble again. 3 weeks ago I contracted Swine Flu. The only thing MD’s can do for that is treat the symptoms. Well, the doctors who had already flagged my file years ago would not help me get any relief. Nothing OTC helped this. Because of my past I have suffered tremendously and they laugh in front of me about how I just want to get high;how tired they are of drug addicts coming in for drugs,even being diagnosed with the influenza. They treated me like I was tainted.

How do you get treatment when you actually need it? I couldn’t, and I couldn’t stop hurting, coughing, I couldn’t sleep for almost a week. That is what I got with my honesty, and on top of that a lady I know who works with the county hospital knows my past and told me to lie. I can say that I was given narcotic pain relievers from Black Market as I cried doing so. All I wanted was a little comfort honestly through a doctor. I want someone to read what H1N1 does to your body, the horrid symptoms, the aaching in your spine and legs, the headaches, and the awful coughing when the virus hits your respiratory system; tell me if MD’s don’t want to hospitalize you because of this contagious virus(where they are able to monitor your RX’s), and you are in horrible pain and discomfort..What would you do? BTW- I have no lingering want or feel the need to seek out any drug dealers now. I handled it myself because I had to.

I feel like honesty is the right thing and I feel as though I shouldn’t have to lie when it comes to things like H1N1. Why did a professional treat a patient like this? What is the matter with these MD’s. Believe this, I can lie and have MD’s believe every word I say. I chose to be honest. WTF is the matter with these new sadists who call themselves caring MD’s?