Monday, May 11, 2009.
I’m a 46-year-old black American male, and I suffer from premature ejacution, as it is defined by clinical research. I’ve already made an appointment with my doctor, a general practioner who advertises in her office that she offers assistance in areas of sexuality. I’ve been reading as much as I can prior to seeing the doctor so that I’ll be as prepared as possible.

I wouldn’t even be writing this if it hadn’t been for my discovery of this forum while searching for reliable information on a resolution. I’ve been searching internet sites for about a week now, and if you’re reading this, perhaps you have been, too. There is a myriad of PE “information” or “offers for cures” in cyberspace, but their general reliablity is dubious at best, laughable at worst. It’s as if our only choices are to spend a LOT of hard-earned money, a lot of precious time, and/or risk our health on the so-called cures.

In my search, I found this forum, which was empty and asking for someone to start the first entry.

As I sit and write this letter, I hope I have something to say here that will help others, while at the same time I am soliciting help from anyone with something positive to offer.

I am married, and in my particular situation, the PE bothers me a lot more than it does my wife. As I’m sure is true of many couples, my libido is much stronger than my wife’s, and my desire for intimacy is much, much more frequent than hers. Actually, she prefers very, very quick sessions of intercourse; she claims that if we go too long, she gets dry inside. I’ve suggested everything from giving her more oral sex than I already do to using lubricants to going to couples/marital/sex therapy, but she conveniently has a excuse as to why she doesn’t want to try any of them.

Someone reading this may think, this makes her the perfect wife for a man with PE, right? Wrong. I can’t help but think that after 25 years of marriage, perhaps we’ve “trained” my body to act and react the way it does, sort of an evolutionary response to my wife’s preference for rapid lovemaking. I know that makes it seems as if I’m blaming her for my PE problem, and if it’s an inaccurate assumption on my part, I’d love to retract it. I could probably write a volume of books on the intricacies of my marital/sex life, and I know all of it has at least a part to play in PE. My wife literally wants me to orgasm after only a few thrusts, which translates to anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds. Anything beyond 30 seconds is too much for her, according to what she’s been telling me.

Unfortunately, I’m on this quest all by myself, because my wife doesn’t discuss sex, sexuality, intimacy, bodies, etc. She knows I’m doing, this, however, it doesn’t involve her, in her opinion.

Ok, I may be getting off topic a little.

I believe PE first effected me about 10 years ago (yes, I let it go that long!), which is approximately when I first noticed it as an ongoing problem. I usually have no problem whatsoever achieving and maintaining erections, and I’m quite pleased with my size. My wife is not an overly affectionate woman, and I have to coax her to touch me, or to continue touching me when we’re having foreplay or making love. Yes, I have to sadly admit that even after 25 years together, we’ve never gotten to the point of learning each other’s bodies the way a loving couple should. I’ve always been ready and available to “play doctor” with my wife, but she uses words like ‘maniac’ and ‘pervert’ when I make advances along those lines.

The combination of 1) always being the one to initiate intimacy between us, 2) constant rejection [often with no discernable reason], 3) the lack of playfulness in our sex life, and 4) going days, weeks, and even months between making love have all contributed to where we are today in our sex life.

I do not know if these factors are the cause, or the effect, of my PE.

I’m frustrated.

When I go into my doctor’s office next week, I plan to pursue whatever sane and healthy method there is to cure this problem. I plan to keep track of what happens, and this forum is as good a place to do it as any.

RD